How I fell in love with the cheating cat and what did it lead to

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BBC

10 min

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The BBC correspondent became attached with all her heart to the cat, who got into the habit of coming to her garden, and then to her house. The cat clearly needed human attention, and he was getting it. But then he disappeared. Enisa Sabedar began her search and discovered a strange thing.

It began about a year and a half ago, when, on a hot summer evening, a melodic meow was heard outside my kitchen door, and I saw two huge burning eyes.

The cat did not jump to the side when I approached him. Moreover, when I bent down to stroke him, he did not mind at all. He obviously liked it when I spoke to him like a child - you know, with that stupid intonation with which we sometimes talk to other people's children.

When I stroked his head and gray furry ears, he fell on his back and offered me his soft tummy, purring loudly with pleasure.

In gratitude for such a manifestation of friendly feelings, I opened a can of tuna, which the cat immediately ate with appetite - and he was.

That evening, I had no thoughts about it, except that it was a sweet summer meeting. I fed the cat, did a good deed. The cat liked it too.

A few days later, the cat returned, and we met as good old friends who have not seen each other for a long time. Mutual affection, sniffing - in general, peace and love. I again gave the cat something to eat, he happily took a bite and disappeared like the last time.

Soon our meetings became daily, and I was looking forward to them. The cat began to enter the house, dozing on my sofa and did not mind sleeping with me all night.

My evenings became very cozy. All the stress of the day passed away when my cat and I were curled up on the couch watching TV. Probably, then I had to stop thinking about the fact that perhaps it was someone's cat - he clearly needed affection and food. But I didn't stop ...

After a couple of months, I bought the cat a bed and bowls for food and water. When I came to work and found cat hair on my clothes, I smiled in anticipation of the evening.

I started posting pictures of the cat on social networks. Colleagues, noticing this, began to ask me: "Well, how is your cat?" And I responded as if the cat was really mine, refusing to admit the fact that I was a catnapper, a cat abductor.

And every time I posted another post with a photo, one of my friends wrote to me in the comments: "THIS IS NOT YOUR CAT."

You must have heard this: "It is not you who choose the cat, it is she who chooses you." But what if this cat or the cat who chose you are neighbors? If they already have a master?

An Internet search for the hashtag #notmycat ("this is not my cat") showed that my case is quite common. There were many like me: people enjoyed all the benefits of a cat owner, but without the corresponding responsibility.

On social media, you can find many serene photos and videos of people and cats that do not officially belong to each other.

So is this okay?

“I think cats and cats live by their own rules. I don’t think they consciously decide:“ I will use this person for my own purposes. ”It's much simpler, - explains the consultant on feline behavior Celia Haddon. - When they find a place where they are fed, where a friendly person caresses them, they just try to stay there. "

"These animals have one characteristic - they are extremely tenacious. If a cat can sit for hours in stillness by a mouse's mink, hunting, then in the same way, for hours, it will sit at the door if it wants to enter."

Later I discovered that a whole book had been written on this topic.

First published in 1990, Six Dinner Sid is a children's book that tells the story of Side the cat living at number 1 Aristotle Street. But Sid also lives in all the other houses on this street, comes to eat at each of these houses, and each of the owners believes that Sid is his cat.

Unlike the real cats Celia Haddon talked about, Syd knows exactly what he's doing. But his manipulations come to the surface when he falls ill, he is taken to the vet six times, after which the neighbors finally realize that they were being led by the nose.

The author of the book, Inga Mor, told me that she wrote this story recalling a black cat she knew when she lived in north London.

“I heard someone calling him by a name that sounded like Sid,” she says (in fact, the cat's name was Ziggy.) (at number 4) I think his owner lived at number 6. The Sid I portrayed in the book is very similar to the real Sid (Ziggy) who inspired me to this story, which I, of course, invented. "

“Many cats and cats have come to me over the years, and I have always enjoyed sharing company with them. Apparently, they have developed the ability to communicate with a person differently than with fellow tribesmen. They know how to get their way from us, they know how to suck up when necessary, or be charming. Therefore, we love them and consider them extraordinary creatures. "

Joanna Lodge of Cats Protection, Britain's largest cat-care charity, says scientists expect cats to win human hearts with eyes that look like baby's big eyes.

And this explains a lot, including my attempt to talk to the cat like a child, my instinctive desire to feed him, surround him with love and shelter. My maternal instincts just spilled out.

But over time, in the months following my acquaintance with the cat, I began to experience another feeling - a growing sense of guilt.

I regularly searched the local websites for missing cat advertisements, expecting to find a request for help from his owner, but found nothing.

And then suddenly it was all over. The cat disappeared.

I waited for him day and night, went out into the empty garden behind the house and called in vain, feeling abandoned. I started scouring the Internet again for news about him - after all, the only reason he stopped coming to me could only be tragedy, right? Was he run over by a car? Perhaps he lies somewhere in a roadside ditch?

But I did not find any news about the downed cat. I looked with sadness at the empty bed, where he once slept sweetly, at the plates of untouched food and at the hairs on my clothes, of which there were very few.

And then, in the first weeks of the spring pandemic quarantine, I saw my neighbor and we talked through the garden hedge. I kind of accidentally mentioned the cat (by doing this on purpose, of course), and a neighbor told me that the owners of my tailed friend had moved.

So, he still had masters! But should I be surprised at this?

At first I felt relieved, and then - as if I had been betrayed. I was really upset. How could they take and take a cat out of my life?

I went outside, turned the corner and looked longingly at the empty house where the cat once lived. There were no signs of life now.

But I wasn't going to just give up. I could not imagine that a cat who felt so good with me could be just as happy with its owner in a new home somewhere far away.

I wrote an email to the owner through a realtor, saying that the cat and I had lived together for a long time, and suggesting that if the cat does not take root in a new place, take him to my permanent residence.

It seems to me, I wrote, that the cat and I were made for each other, and our friendship was interrupted without consent from both sides (well, or something like that).

The owner answered my email. His name was David. David has two cats - Henry and Eddie (the latter "often disappeared for several days"). We moved to Lincolnshire, David wrote to me (it's 120 miles from me).

"The cats like the semi-rural lifestyle, they feel good here, they are glad that we are with them all day now," he added. "And, of course, we are not going to part with any of them."

He invited me to get my own cat. "Our cats are purebred - British Shorthair. You can find a breeder - kittens of this breed are adorable."

But at that time I could not even think about another cat. Eddie chose me himself.

In my next email to David, I confessed - in great detail - to my role in Eddie's disappearances. I was tormented by remorse.

David told me that Eddie's disappearances were terribly upsetting for his family. “We didn’t know what to think - either he was hit by a car, or he was stolen, or he was locked up somewhere, and he cannot get out. Or he’s just looking for adventure,” he wrote.

“We knew that Eddie might not come for a day or more. It usually coincided with our departure somewhere for a few days. In such cases, we agreed with one of our friends who came to feed the cats and play with them. But it often happened, that we were returning, and Eddie was not at home. In fact, every time this happened, we involuntarily wondered: will we see him again? We almost decided that we were not going anywhere at all. "

What to do if someone else's cat stubbornly comes to you

Tips from the charity Cats Protection

I fully understood these feelings and partly even wished that Eddie never appeared in my life. I deleted all posts with him from social networks. I felt terrible.

I asked David if he felt annoyed with my letters explaining what had happened. To which he replied: "We are familiar with the pain that you and your family members experienced, having lost the cat, which has become very dear to you, and we sympathize with you, no irritation. We even felt a little easier, because we finally understood, what was happening to him. That he did not suffer, did not freeze, was not alone. "

And he also wrote that it's one thing to play with a cat that ran into your garden, and quite another to feed him. He strongly advised me not to do the latter.

"We could even arrange for you to feed both cats at our house while we are away," he wrote. "But never indulge a cat's desire to live in someone else's house. It will be a huge stress for his owners."

"Some cats behave like wild animals, you can't approach them," explains Joanna Lodge.

Joanna's organization Cats Protection, in the event that you are not sure if a cat has an owner, suggests putting on a paper collar that says "Am I yours?" This should notify the owner (if there is one) that someone cares about the fate of the cat.

“People have several areas of responsibility in relation to cats, - explains Joanna. - Firstly, the owner of the animal must make sure that the cat is implanted with a microchip, which can be used to find who it belongs to. to whom an unfamiliar cat comes to the garden should try to establish whether the animal has a master - or contact us and we will try to find a master. "

In the second case, she emphasizes, this is a legal responsibility, exactly the same as if you find someone else's thing - you cannot just take and appropriate it.

***

As it got to winter, and the days were getting shorter and shorter, I more and more often remembered David's words that I needed to get my own cat. It never occurred to me before how much I needed someone furry and purring on my lap in these times of uncertainty and unpredictability.

And in anticipation of an alarming winter, I made up my mind. I took myself a 12 week old British Shorthair. His coat is the color of coffee latte, and his name is Horace.

I have no plans to share Horace with anyone. But now I know: not everything depends on me. So if you see Horace at your door, you know what to do.

Cat Horace on Instagram